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Far Side.jpgWith the economy in such turmoil, London’s hotels, restaurants and bars are relying on custom from inbound tourists more than ever before.

Judging by these brainless questions asked by tourists at the City of London Information Centre, though, it’s a wonder our foreign pals have the wit to book a hotel or get through the front door of a restaurant, in the first place:

1. How can I have tea with the Queen?

2. Could you recommend a good plastic surgeon?

3. Are there guided tours of M15?

4. When do the clowns come on at Piccadilly Circus?

5. What number in Oxford Street is Oxford University?

6. Where can I buy paraffin for my lamp?

7. What time does “evil song” start at St Paul’s Cathedral?

8. Which side of the river is London Bridge on?

9. Where can I hire a banana boat?

10. Is it a long walk to Times Square?

11. Where abouts is the Eiffel Tower?

12. Which way to the beach?

13. When does Tower Bridge move?

14. Where can I see the buildings destroyed in the Second World War?

15. Where do the Spice Girls live?